Preparing for and Coping With Aging Parents and Loved Ones
Last night my father called
me to tell me that my mother was in the hospital. Weeks ago, my
mother injured her knee after slipping on the bathroom floor, and in
our phone conversations since, she mentioned how long it was taking
to get better. Recently the pain and discomfort was such that she
was almost incapable of standing up without assistance from my
father, who is himself a disabled veteran that relies on forearm
crutches in order to walk. When he went to inspect my mother's knee,
he was alarmed to see that some of the surrounding flesh looked dead.
After realizing that they would not be able to get to the hospital
on their own, my father called an ambulance. It turns out that there
was a very deep infection that required surgery to remove a good deal
of affected tissue. As it stands right now, there is a chance that
she may lose the leg.
Both of my parents are in
their mid-seventies, the knowledge of which has been prodding me to
prepare for the eventuality of declining health and mobility.
Because I have an unfortunate tendency to ignore important but
unpleasant thoughts, it is only now that I have begun to seek
information and guidance regarding the care of aging parents, and all
of the practical issues which surround it. The questions are many:
My parents live in a rural area, and have a one level house that is
wheelchair accessible, but how long will that situation remain
tenable? Because my mothers' mobility was a compensating factor for
my father's lack thereof, how will those dynamics change? They are a
ninety minute drive away, how frequently should I visit to assist
them? Will they be able to find good options for in-home care in
such a small town?
Because my mother is in and
out of the ICU (and in various states of sedation), my father would
like me to wait a couple of days to go up and visit, which should
hopefully be long enough to know what kind of further medical action
will be required. In the meantime, I have looked into some online
resources that I would like to share because ultimately it is never
too early to start considering these things for your parents, aging
loved ones, or yourself for that matter. I will give a brief
overview of each article in the order of the list of links down
below. Consider each article as a handy starting point, as the
websites themselves should prove to be a wealth of information as you
progress on this journey.
The article by Isabel
Fawcett on eldercarelink.com is both an account of the writer's
experiences caring for her aging mother, as well as a breakdown in
the different types of care which she calls Mindless (automatic,
without conscious thought), Awareness, and Purposeful Living. This
article is worth clicking on for the wealth of helpful links at the
bottom which I have only begun to sort through. On psychcentral.com
Maud Purcell offers comfort for those suffering from the range of
feelings, such as fear, anger, grief and guilt when grappling with a
sometimes overwhelming task as elder care. The National Institute on
Aging offers an article about “aging in place,” or remaining in
one's home as long as feasibly possible, which is one of the goals
which concerns organizations such as Meals on Wheels. And of course,
the AARP continues to be the premiere source of information in these
matters. The link below will take you to a PDF of their “Prepare
to Care” brochure with a wealth of tips about how to stay
productive and sane in this difficult situation.
Speaking for myself, these
resources have already worked to settle my worries with the knowledge
that not only am I not alone with all of the concerns surrounding the
vulnerability of my parents, but also that this is a natural if
bittersweet part of most people's lives, and there is no shame in
seeking help.
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