Nurturing the Collective: The Path to Ending Homelessness
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In February 2020, my former husband abandoned our children and me after I uncovered a secret life he had been living for over two years. People have mentioned numerous times of my family's ordeal, comparing it to a book or captivating movie, as the intricate details unraveled from the moment of abandonment in 2020 to the present, three years later in 2023, which now includes my ex-husband's running from the law, a recent string of felony convictions (to be precise, a staggering twelve), and the imminent sentencing hearing before a judge (a tale for another Blog site).
My ex-husband of 25 years had been the financial provider for our family. When he left in 2020, he left us without access to a bank account or financial resources to sustain our basic necessities such as food, rent, or bills. Having devoted nineteen years as a stay-at-home mother, I encountered considerable challenges securing a job, let alone finding a position offering wages sufficient to cover our family's essential needs.
Fortunately, numerous friends and community members helped by graciously delivering food to our doorstep and assisted me in securing three different jobs, ranging from working in a store to cleaning houses and serving as a Nanny-all amidst the Covid pandemic. My children and I were fortunate to have a roof over our heads at the time, and I was grateful every day, knowing things could be worse. Thinking, "At least we aren't homeless. How would I be able to work? Where would my children go while I'm at work?"
We found ourselves falling several months behind on rent, prompting our landlords to incessantly harass us, demanding our immediate departure. Like many people nationwide, I desperately sought rental and food assistance, even entering the rental assistance lottery in hopes of alleviating our predicament, only to be overlooked and left empty-handed like thousands of other Oregonians. "Why should anyone care?" one may be asking, and that question is entirely valid. After all, we still had a roof over our heads. It is with a tinge of embarrassment that I admit, prior to our family's ordeal, I had little comprehension of the vast shortage of assistance available to individuals and their families. Granted, the onset of the pandemic exacerbated the situation, but I have since learned that a severe shortage of affordable housing and equitable wages has long plagued our nation.
Throughout this time, I must have posed the following questions not only to myself but to others as well on countless occasions: "What is a person to do if they don't have a place to live?" or "How does a person find a job if they don't have an address?" My children and I had a roof over our heads, and I was physically able to work, yet it still proved arduous for me to secure employment. Every day I was riddled with anxiety and stressed at the looming possibility of losing our home, a sanctuary with a warm bed. Even working three jobs, I still could not afford a place to live in the event of an eviction. Despite my access to the internet and a computer at my disposal, I still needed help finding available financial resources. More questions: "How is an individual experiencing homelessness expected to obtain employment or secure shelter when someone like me has advantages and struggles to find employment??"
We were blessed with the unwavering support of amazing friends, but the sobering realization of what it would be like without such a safety net sent shivers down my spine. And this question: "What if I was a homeless parent with young children?" This last question made me shutter the most, and I was grateful that at least my children were ages fourteen and nineteen. But how would my son go to school if we were living on the streets?
The relentless harassment from our landlords persisted unabated. Unfortunately, relocating to my own family's residence proved infeasible due to the distance involved, while my in-laws, who resided a mere five minutes away, adamantly refused to help or "get in the middle" of our divorce proceedings. For months I implored my in-laws to believe the truth about their son and begged them for help. I stopped asking them for help. Finally, in July 2020, my father-in-law reached out to me in tears, having discovered the truth regarding his own son (my ex-husband). My ex-husband had stolen a substantial sum, amounting to thousands upon thousands of dollars, while staying at their home (not included in the twelve felonies). Finally, my in-laws believed us and what we (my children, friends, and family) had been trying to tell them about their son.
My children and I were evicted from our rental home, prompting my son and me to seek shelter at my in-laws' house. This temporary arrangement ended up lasting two years. Still, it allowed me to continue supporting my daughter's tuition and board at OSU while pursuing my own academic endeavors and finishing the costly divorce. Residing with my in-laws was far from ideal and not a healthy environment for my son (story for another Blog site), but it provided a temporary respite from the alternatives of homelessness or living in a shelter.
While acknowledging that our experience did not equate to the hardships faced by those living on the streets, it compelled me to reflect on the emotional and psychological effects of homelessness through a personal lens.
For two years, my teenage son and I were considered part of the "hidden homelessness" population (a term that was new to me at the time). Hidden homelessness, though less visible than sleeping on the streets, can be equally distressing. The constant financial strain and uncertainty of not being able to afford a stable home for my child weighed heavily on my heart and mind. Each day brought frustration, depression, and a sense of helplessness. It was during this period that my thoughts often turned to those who were truly homeless, prompting me to question how they could possibly lift themselves out of such dire circumstances. While my own experience was undeniably challenging, I recognized that I had a distinct advantage over those living on the streets – a starting point from which to rebuild.
Attempting to break free from the cycle of homelessness without assistance is an arduous task. Even with the awareness that I was in a comparatively better situation, the obstacles seemed insurmountable. It became clear that relying solely on one's own strength, resources, and determination was rarely enough to effect significant change. The sheer complexity of the issues faced by those without homes makes it incredibly challenging for them to embark on a transformative journey without external support systems. It was a humbling experience to witness the strength of community and the compassion extended to us. Through individuals and organizations willing to lend a helping hand, we began to rebuild our lives. The kindness and support we received provided us with the necessary resources, guidance, and encouragement to move forward. Our journey from hidden homelessness to a more stable living situation was made possible by the support and compassion of others. It underscored the critical importance of collaboration in addressing homelessness and providing the necessary resources for individuals to reclaim their lives. By working together, we can break the cycle of homelessness and ensure that everyone has the opportunity to thrive in a safe and nurturing environment.
Governments, nonprofits, community organizations, and individuals must work together to provide adequate, affordable housing, comprehensive support services, and opportunities for sustainable employment. By pooling resources and expertise, we can create a society where everyone has the chance to secure a stable home and rebuild their lives.
RESOURCES:
***FINANCIAL ABUSE IS A FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Resources to Combat Domestic Violence
https://www.portlandoregon.gov/police/article/60676
Medical, Food, Cash, and Childcare Benefits
Transition Projects
Know your rights as a tenant: Community Alliance of Tenants CAT
Legal Aid regarding Family Law and Evictions
503-581-5265
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